Sunday, February 5

The list:
-Bubble Baths
-All day dates
-Eating AMAZING food
-Going to my favorite boutiques
-Relaxing at a park or a beach
-Going to the zoo
I can't believe it's been six weeks into the new year and I feel like I have accomplished nothing. I shouldn't feel like that because I have achieved so much in so little time, but it is hard to realize that sometimes when you're caught up in the frenzy of life.

I've already restarted trying to get my routine down a bit this past week, but it's always good not get stuck in a rut with routines. I'm notorious for doing this because I'm so focused on trying to get the routine down pat, that I forget that it's okay to step out of line with that routine. I'm going to try to keep interjecting these easy pleasures into my weeks to make my life not too mundane. Hopefully I can keep it up!
#52ListsProject Winter: List Six
8:20 PM

#52ListsProject Winter: List Six

The list:

-Have my dream job or something that equally makes me happy
-Have traveled more than I have now
-My dream house will be mine and any tweaks that were needed have been done
-I have finally convinced Neil to be a pet owner
-I’m still as happy as I am now
-Be financially comfortable

It's a simple list, but it's one that I know is achievable. Nothing more to comment on, but it's stuff to think about and kind of have there written out.  Accountability and knowing what I want of life is the name of this long term game!

#52ListsProjects Winter: List Five
8:08 PM

#52ListsProjects Winter: List Five

Saturday, January 28

The list:

-History Maker by Dean Fujioka+
-Yuri on Ice
-Shall We Skate
-Minami’s Boogie
-Theme of King JJ
-Waving Through a Window- Ben Platt; Dear Evan Hansen Original Broadway Cast Recording
-Pierre-Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording
-Telephone Wire- Beth Malone; Fun Home
-Wig in a Box-David Cameron Mitchell; Hedwig and the Angry Inch Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
-Hamilton Mixtape*
-Hamilton Original Broadway Cast Recording*
-Astonishing- Sutton Foster; Little Women Original Broadway Cast Recording
-Lilacs- Preludes
-Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard- Paul Simon
-Crucible Cast Party-SNL Cast featuring Lin Manuel-Miranda*
These are my jams that make me feel all the feels. That is all!

 +: Spotify didn't have the version I wanted. Find the one by Dean because it is AMAZING
*: Get some Lin Miranda in your life y'all! Everything by him is wonderful!

#52ListsProject Winter: List Four
10:39 PM

#52ListsProject Winter: List Four

This is the list I'm the most proud of so far!

The list:
-Moving to Michigan
-Meeting Neil
-Career Advancement
-Learning to manage my anxiety more
-My sister’s wedding
-Becoming independent
-Being happy with myself finally
-Knowing what I want in life finally

I love this list. Have I said that yet? Because I love this list!

This is a list that I never thought I would ever have created in my life. I’ve dealt with so many different things that put me in such a terrible fog that I forget ALL THE TIME what I am truly grateful for and what I have accomplished in my short lifespan thus far.

I have had people that told me I would be stuck in Longview (home) for various unkind reasons. I settled the thought at age 12 that I would never find a partner that would take me and my baggage and that I would be content living by myself forever. I thought I would never get out of my great depression that I sank into after high school. I thought I could never be happy because I didn’t deserve it.

This list confirms the opposite. This list makes me happy and realize I have come so far with my little personal battles that I am okay if it all goes away because at one point in time I would have known that it happened and it was great. 

But I now know that I am better than all those negative things that I stated above. I have taken myself out of the fog that was burdening me, and have strived for better things. Will there be more challenges ahead of me, hell yes, but I know how to deal with them better and the right way of doing that.

#52ListsProject Winter- List Three
10:19 PM

#52ListsProject Winter- List Three

Yay, consistantcy!

The List:

-Jane Eyre
-Severus Snape
-Reeve Shields
-Yokimo Reedman
-Leslie Knope
-Alaska Young
-Hermione Granger
-Kathy (The Last Five Years)
-Elphaba (Book, not musical)

As I typed this out, copying from the book that I wrote them down in, I only then realized why I love these characters as much as I do: They all want the best for the people around them.

That’s all I ever want out of anyone around me. I love being people’s personal cheerleader even though I don’t have the confidence of self-worth for myself. Unfortunately it borderlines on people pleasing, but if they are happy then you can be happy. That’s how I think about it.

I feel like that’s why I attached myself to Jane Eyre especially so hard when I was young. She was tortured for so long and then when she fell in love with the children she was a governess for it was all for wanting them to do their best. Then as, what I like to say, a reward he came to love her because of her compassion and her wanting him to live his happiest self, made it a deep romantic sweet kind of love. 

Then again, if you look at all of them aside from Leslie Knope and Hermione Granger, their stories do not end well. Maybe that’s a huge red flag of a metaphor that wanting the best for everyone and everything sometimes comes at a bigger cost than say just a few battles, like Hermione (Though I could go on a longer tangent how though her story ends seeming well, I have not read “The Cursed Child”, but could make arguments on how that’s not so solely based on the original seven books.).

That may be, but I love the crap out of these character more than I do my own family sometimes. I think the thing to take away from this realization is to make sure that there is a balance and realize that you can’t make everyone happy, but you can do the best you can with what you are given.
#52ListsProject Winter- List Two
10:16 PM

#52ListsProject Winter- List Two